Remedy for any kind of withdrawal: eat a lot. sleep a lot.
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Take photos of beautiful things to remind yourself that you are alive, are part of this crazy-ass world, and will contribute to it again once you're able.
Go to work. Do your best.
Rest.
My therapist came up with a life remedy of sorts for me: Eat. Sleep. Move.
I've talked about the first two. Now, the latter -- move. Seriously, do it. Move a lot. Or a little. But move. Just get your ass up and do a little dance, walk your dog or schedule a bike ride with friends. But it is imperative that you remind yourself and your body that it still works, that is it capable, and that you can rely on it.
Because you can. I promise.
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Onward...
Friday, August 5, 2011
Day Two
It's becoming quite clear that this little forum is going to be incredibly helpful and really disturbing, both. Likely enlightening and helpful for me and disturbing or annoying to you.
::insert blanket and long-standing apology here::
So, last night on day one, I started to experience intense withdrawal symptoms, which at first I didn't believe could have hit that quickly. I was irritable, had a really intense headache (that lasted all day/night) and felt incredibly anxious.
I did some research this morning, and found an article on Livestrong.com that talks about whatside effects/withdrawal from the specific diet pills I was taking looks like. Ugly.
While that link is likely the most credible, there are also these forums/sites that talk about associated anxiety, caffeine withdrawal and other side effects caused by my specific diet pills.
Fun. Real fun. And also -- why on EARTH did I not read these before having taken these on and off for an entire year+? Beats the shit outta me. Additional thought-proviking Q: if I had read them, would it have stopped me from taking them?
I'm off to work now; hopefully today will be less testing.
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Day One
Today is officially day one. Numero uno.
I have been sober from alcohol, narcotics and cocaine for seven months and four days.
I quit using illicit drugs. Then, I stopped drinking. Finally, I stopped abusing prescription pills.
But as of 8p this evening, I will be sober from diet pills for 24 hours. One day. Sober sober.
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I don't know if anyone writes "diet pills" and "sober" in the same sentence, but I figure this sobriety might be just as hard (if not harder?) than "quitting" any of the above mentioned addictions.
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As is true with many women (and men), I have had issues with body image, weight and my own/other people's perceptions of me/my body since childhood. For various reasons (we all have our own stories).
Like many of you, I've also battled myriad eating disorders, most often a form of ED-NOS that tried to pass as shiny, sparkly and worthwhile. Purging + restricting = NOT worthwhile.
I still haven't thrown out my scale, although two days ago I slid it to the very back of my closet with a sticky note: "This never does you any good. Ever."
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I'm pretty sure that my stupid "natural" diet pills didn't do a damn thing. Logically, I know this. But today, two meals down without them, I feel panicked.
I'm getting fat.
My face is chubbier.
Are my thighs touching?
I'm supposed to be working right now. But instead, I find my fingers drifting from the keyboard and onto various parts of my body, inspecting.
When your fingers are poised for this sort of discovery mission, they will always, I mean ALWAYS find something.
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So, day one sucks.
And honestly, I'm not sure yet if it sucks more or less than the side effects of those damn pills, my obsession with taking them, or my preoccupation with their promise of thinness, but I'm ready to find out.
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Nothing wrong with trying. In the past, leaving addiction behind has only steered me toward a more beautiful, meaningful and peaceful life.
I'm game. Onward...
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